Love Couple: Kuya, Tabi Tayo

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The blinking Christmas lights wrapped around the SMB-sponsored signage hanging outside “Love Couple” doesn’t exactly reek of discretion. As we made our way into the tinted glass doors of this beer garden located in the shadier parts of Makati, we were immediately greeted by the Love Couple staff – a trio of heavily made-up, scantily clad women who looked very happy to see us. We took our seats, ordered our drinks (bucket of Pale Pilsen, P182) and looked around. Of course, the trio of hostesses decided to join us in our table.

Awkward silence.

“Sarap niyo kakwentuhan,” one of them said sarcastically. “Bumoto ka ba?” we asked in an attempt at polite conversation. “Hindi,” she said. Conversation over. I think they were waiting for us to buy them some drinks. We had perfectly drinkable Pale Pilsens on the table, we could burn the 30 bucks just to be polite. But not so fast. Apparently, a P30 bottle SMB in the hands of a Love Couple hostess will cost one a cool P170. Ladies Drink. The price of keeping us company.

TAP is against spending more than P100 on a bottle of beer (criminal) and we poked fun at spending P170 just so a waitress from a dingy beerhouse will talk to us.

“Empleyado kayo diba? Empleyado din kami,” the one named Kim told us. “May oras din kaming hinahabol.”

Again, awkward silence.

Once the girls figured out we weren’t there to get down and dirty, they left us alone. We were now free to enjoy the wailings of a butch lesbian couple singing Careless Whisper on the big screen (Side note: Careless Whisper in a beerhouse? Really? Is there anything more cliched?). The videoke, by the way, showed cleavage 90% of the time and is on an infinite loop. Around the videoke screen were dark green couches and chairs. In one of them, there was a Love Couple customer who had his arms around one of the ladies, kissing her forehead (note to self: P170 is inclusive of forehead kisses). On the walls of this dimly lit place (green lights, by the way. And a solitary black light in the middle of the room for god knows what, possibly for cleanup purposes the next morning) were posters of what looked like Japanese girls in bikinis. Classy. To top it all off, there’s a disco ball hanging above one corner of the room.

Yeah, baby.

TL;DR

The Good – tinted glass doors (para hindi mahuli). Ministop across the street. “Friendly” staff. Videoke Machine.
The Bad – Shady, dubious looking place. Expensive drinks (kahit yung pang lalaki).
What P500 will get you – 2 Girls and 4 bottles of beer

TAP recommendation for:

Mang Jun – Driver of “Junylhen” Jeepney.

Freddie dela Cruz – Assistant Deputy Barangay Tanod, Barangay Palanan.

SP01 Larry Baranda – Police officer by day, casanova by night.

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