The 7 Stages of AMATS

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Anyone who has ever gone partying knows that the journey from being happily tipsy to deliriously drunk is a confusing one. So for the benefit of mankind and your next night inuman session TAP would like to share with you the 7 Stages of AMATS. We hope this guide will provide you with clarity you need during those most drunken moments.

THE DENIAL STAGE

At this point, you ‘ve just settled in the bar/club and have had a couple of dark beers. The music doesn’t suck. You’re with your best friends. Your crush from the office shows up to hang out. It’s shaping up to be a good Saturday night. The past couple of days have been tough so against your better judgment you order the table a round of tequila shots. You can handle it. What’s the worse that could happen?

THE BARGAINING STAGE

That first shot of tequila goes straight to your head and gives you an unexpected kick. All your friends feel it too. The energy level in your table shoots up a notch. The girls start to dance to the music. So do the boys. Laughter ensues.

Then half an hour later somebody decides to order another round of shots. You instinctively know this is not a good idea. You’re not a heavy drinker. But the person who ordered the round is your office crush and she’s looking mighty fine in her tight skirt. So you cave and down the Jose Cuervo goes.

THE GUILT STAGE

Unlike the first shot, you notice that the second shot of Tequila does not go down smoothly. You also notice that you’ve been drinking beer as chaser. The combination makes you really lightheaded and you feel like an idiot for mixing drinks. It’s an amateur move and you know it. You hope your buddies don’t notice that you’re more than a little tipsy. Fortunately, they’re all too drunk to care.

THE DEPRESSION STAGE

Pak shet. You’re full on drunk and the happy vibe that you had a few moments ago has slowly seeped away. You’re in the depression stage of AMATs. That moment where you think about stuff you shouldn’t thinking about at 1am.

Your fragile minds wanders to the past – the past week, the past year, failed dreams, broken relationships and all that other emotional crap. You sit in the corner and think of drunk calling your ex. She may still want you. If not, you’ll make her want you back.

THE UPTURN STAGE

You’re about to hit the call button when your best friend spots you at the corner of the club. He instinctively knows what you’re planning to do. So he grabs your phone, hands you another shot and calls your office crush near. In a heartbeat she’s in front of you asks you to dance. You forget all about you’re ex. The past is in the past. This is not going to be the night of regrets. Tonight is you are going to party!

THE ACCEPTANCE STAGE

You dance with your crush for 10 minutes before you stumble on the dance floor. Your buddies pick you up and it dawns on you that in a few moments you’re about to black out. The room spins. The lights swirl into a kaleidoscopic rainbow. You declare to the crowd, “may amats na ako!” Your eyes slowly close. The little voice inside begs you to party on, to not be such a wussy. But you accept the inevitable. You embrace the darkness and say good night.

THE HANGOVER STAGE

You wake up in your condo half naked with a shot glass in your pocket. A myriad of questions pop into your mind. How did you get home? Who brought you home? Why are you just in your boxers? Where are your pants?

You check your phone and by the mercy of God there are no crazy pictures in your barkada viber group or sappy text messages to your ex in your outbox. You do, however, have the world’s worse headache. You sheepishly promise yourself you’ll never drink again. Then your phone lights up. Your best friend sends a message simply saying, “Shot?” and in half a second you reply, “G!”


Featured image via loljunky.org

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