Which Binay Would Make The Best Drinking Buddy?

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It’s time to bring those inuman conversations to the forefront. There are certain topics that a group of friends will only debate once alcohol has lubricated the lips. Whether it’s about religion, gay marriage, poverty, gossip or even politics (as in this case), no topic is off limits.

With 2016 looming, one family has stolen the spotlight and has become the topic du jour of dining tables and inuman sessions around the country. You cannot escape the inevitability of the Binays. They are everywhere – in the business district, in both houses of congress and probably even in Malacañang.

Our writing staff got into a debate about the Binay family. In true TAP fashion, the conversation revolved around which of the Binays would make the best drinking buddy. Below is the roundtable exchange between our writers.

CM Drunk: With all the news about the Binays lately – whether it’s Jun Jun running amok in Makati or Jojo trying to become the next Lord Commander – it’s hard to keep this family out of any conversation. The news covers them 24/7. Interestingly enough, the constant coverage has allowed us a peek into each of the Binays personalities. This got me thinking, which member of this family would make the best drinking buddy?

Mick Jäger: Since I am the first to reply, I’m going first pick with the two-time suspended mayor, Jun Jun Binay.

CM Drunk: Jun Jun Binay seems like kind of a douche. He’s that guy who’s never worked for anything in his life and walks around like he owns the world. I would rather hang out with Dra. Elenita, the ultimate amiga. Imagine this – it’s 5pm and the sun is setting, you’re up on the veranda of the Binay Palace in Batangas overlooking the hedge maze and white tigers and whatnot and Dra. Elenita has her butlers/ex-councilors serving up Mimosas like it’s brunch at the Waldorf. Can’t beat that.

Forrest Gulp: As much as the thought of having a mimosa with Dra. Elenita gives me good goosebumps, I prefer drinking with more simple-minded folk. And amongst the Binays, I think Senator Nancy is the most “simple” and resourceful of all. Who else can win a national election by virtue of being her dad’s personal assistant? Galing di ba! Plus, she’s the type of person who rolls with the punches. She’s been photoshopped as Shrek, made fun of because of her sumptuous dark complexion, called stupid in a million different ways! But she’s still there in the senate, “simple” as ever. Now, that’s someone I can have a shot of tequila with.

Mick Jäger: First of all, I don’t even think Dra. Elenita drinks that much kasi nga doctor siya diba? Mabibitin lang ako sa inuman. As for Nancy naman, I’m not sure if I can stand her face in a face to face drinking session. Sorry to be mean but I’m just being honest. With my main man, Junjun, I’m sure we’ll be ballin’ drinking around “his” city. Yes he may be a douche but every barkada has a douchebag friend that brings balance to the team. Stubborn as he is, if you’re with Jun Jun in Curator, there’s no closing time sa bars. No last calls. Go lang ng go. If kailangan na talaga umalis papadala lang siya ng letter sa Court of Appeals para lang matuloy inuman namin. Now that’s a drinking buddy!

CM Drunk: Jun Jun and Nancy are both juveniles. No experience. Unrefined. What do you imagine Nancy drinks? She seems like the type of person who orders a frozen margarita and then return it because it’s too cold. As for Jun Jun, he’d be a terrible drinking buddy. He’s going to ask you to pay P25,000 for a P300 shot of Glenmorangie.

Dra. Binay is worldly, well-traveled and refined. She could probably determine which family’s vineyard in France your Bordeaux came from just by the taste. She’s been the queen of Makati for 30 years. You always bet on royalty.

Forrest Gulp: All the Binays are basically royalty. They made Makati di ba? But an inuman session requires earnest and down to earth conversation, which equires some grasp of reality. With all due respect to Dra. Binay. I doubt the lady has ever tasted a beer. Champagne lang yan.

Nancy, on the other hand, is the one most in tune with the masses. She’s knows how average people think because of all the individuals in the Senate, she is the most average. And my girl doesn’t dwell into conflict unlike that spitfire Jun Jun. She’s never even been in a single political debate in her entire career. That’s someone who knows the meaning of pakikisama.

Mick Jäger: Just so you know, the Ayalas made Makati. Wait, I’m getting off topic here. Anyways, I apologize for being superficial and mean to Nancy. I think if I down a case of beers she may be manageable to look at. Elenita is too refined for me as well. We’re in the Philippines anyway. Why would I bother drinking and staring at a hedge maze or a monkey eating eagle while sipping on some Dom Perignon? Boring. I also think Dra. E will charge me P 15,000 for a P 300 of Glenmorangie. Mom knows best.

I have two words for you guys. “Rico J.”, That’s right Rico J. Puno, Junjun’s former running mate. I’m sure he’s just one call away from Jun Jun. Who wouldn’t want a drinking session with the Don Juan of Philippine music. Now that’s a sweet connection.

CM Drunk: How dare both of you belittle the Matriarch of Makati. Dra. Elenita has been chilling for the last 3 decades, except for the 3 years she kept the Mayors chair warm for her husband. She’s an expert in the art of leisure.

The rest of the Binays will bore you with their problems about work and politics and government. Who wants to hear that while drinking? The good doktora will entertain you with tips on gardening and landscaping and modern poultry farming. She probably has the best amiga gossip in town too.

Forrest Gulp: Nancy has no time to gossip. She’s a senator with many responsibilities. Just don’t ask her to stipulate what they are. Also why are you overlooking the other Binays? I would love to have a glass of wine with the oh so feisty Congresswoman Abigail Binay. Like her father, she’s got a bone to pick with Mar Roxas, Grace Po, Trillannes, The Ombudsman, President Aquino…the list goes on and on. Feeling ko ang saya mag bull session with her.

Mick Jäger: Gossip shmossip. Gossip is just a waste of time. You know who doesn’t believe in social media? Junjun. A man with integrity and willpower. Someone who doesn’t give an F if a guarded village gate is strictly for stickered vehicles only. Stickers are kids toys. Someone who will build a parking building and a high school more expensive than an international airport.

That’s who I want to drink with. The man who gets what he wants. He can be a good mentor for the modern men such us ourselves. He’s the real deal.

CM Drunk: Okay, I think we’ve made solid cases for our preferred Binay. I’m kind of surprised though that nobody picked the big dog himself, Jejomar! He’s the veep! He’s arguably the second most powerful man in the country. His penthouses in Makati outnumber Jun Jun’s Penthouses under his bed when he was a teenager and I’m assuming that’s A LOT. Wouldn’t you want to drink at some swanky rooftop of a luxury condo drinking Hennessy while discussing the history of the Philippine Boyscouts?

Forrest Gulp: I am quite frankly a bit intimidated by the veep. Did you see how he reacted to that security guard in city hall. It might be tricky drinking with a person who points fingers at you. And I’m just afraid he’ll resign from the inhuman session like he resigned from the cabinet you know? Nancy and Abi are still my girls at the end of the day.

Mick Jäger: Ah yes. The veep. The real Jej. The root of them all. I didn’t choose him because he’s just too much for me. Judging by his skin color and age, his liver might give in anytime soon. Most probably from the millions or billions he’d spent on hard liquors. I don’t even think he’s in the right mind to drink anymore. I wouldn’t drink with someone delusional. My ideal drinking bud award still goes to Jun Jun.

CM Drunk: I guess there is no convincing both of you. Don’t sleep on age and experience. People trust someone who has years of trials under their belts. You just wait until 2016.


 

Featured Image via Inquirer.net and Yahoo.com

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